I had been doing some research in the past couple of weeks and found about 10 potential listings we wanted to check out. Then, Krista and I stumbled upon 2 listings that could have been "the one!" I couldn't wait to see these two houses in person!!! We loved the layout of both houses, the room sizes and the overall look of the exterior and the interior, too. I was thinking that today could be the day we found "our house."
Reality Check... As we went through the listings that I had previously marked "maybe" from the ones submitted by the realtor, I was underwhelmed. I was busy taking notes and listing the pros and cons of each listing we saw and my list of cons far outweighed the pros! EEKS! But I was optimistic and excited because we were getting close to the last couple of listings and I was eagerly anticipating seeing those two houses. And that's when the realtor told me that both of those houses were now "under contract."
I felt my heart sink as I felt waves of sadness hitting me all at once. I was so sure one of these two houses was part of God's plan for us and I was blindsided by the reality that neither one was "the one." I was finally still enough (as opposed to running around trying to fulfil a gazillion-and-one things like I have been for the past 4 weeks!) to process the reality that we were leaving wonderful friends, a church family we love and our lovely home (which, by the way, is not perfect but the layout was better than what we saw today!) to relocate to an unfamiliar area with houses that came with basements that smelled...well, like a basement. And not one closet in any of the master bedrooms had professional organizing systems like our home does! I mean, what's up with that?!? Can I just say that pictures and videos of homes on tulia.com and zillow.com look really different in person?!?
As my tear ducts threatened to unclog, the turmoil inside me intensified. I mean, to me, this whole move is an adventure, but suddenly, I was ready to stop the adventure and go back to what we had---a comfy and familiar life in soCal! All of these feelings came rushing into my heart as I sat in the front seat with the realtor while she was driving us to grab a bite to eat. Of course, I held my tears of disappointment in because I didn't want to explain to a realtor I just met in person why I hated all the houses we just saw!
And then, while getting out of the SUV in the parking lot at Panera Bread, God spoke gently to my disappointed and bruised heart. Is God in control? Well, duh! Can I trust Him that He has something better than what I can even imagine? Oh yeah. I can choose to trust Him... or not, right? And, so, I chose to end my pity party (got some cheese to go with my whine?!?) and cling on to God's promises that God has a plan.
I actually came home excited knowing that God has something even better for us somewhere out there in house listing land!!! Trusting God is a choice we have to make every time when things don't turn out the way we want or expect. I had to seek God's forgiveness for doubting Him this morning! And, God reminded me of these verses in Proverbs 3:5-7 and here they are from the Amplified Bible... (thank you, BibleGateway.com!)
5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil. When you keep your eyes on Jesus and have your feet planted firmly on His truth, your world won't turn upside down when things go south :o)
